"responsibly irresponsible"

I've started reading Wild Goose Chase by Mark Batterson (the sequel to In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day, which I highly recommend) and it has got me thinking about my life, which is currently consumed with job searching. 

Mark writes about being spiritually adventurous and choosing to be irresponsible if that's what it takes to passionately pursue Christ. The concept led me to reflect on why I'm having such a hard time finding a job. Yes, the economy sucks, but more than that the jobs suck. They're all safe, boring, office jobs. I want to do something crazy. I long for a Wild Goose chase. 

My heart is yearning to just pack up and move to London and see what happens. Or to drive cross country and blog about amusement parks along the way. I want a job where I can travel and meet interesting people and do something different everyday. I don't want to be responsible. I don't want to be worried about insurance and 401K plans. I'm 22-years-old and I've done exactly what was expected of me my whole life. The most fun I've ever had was the semester I lived in London where everything and everyone was unfamiliar. 

In London I got lost all the time. I decided one day to go to Italy with a sketchy Englishman I barely knew and the next week we packed our bags and went (we're now good friends and I no longer think he's sketchy). My point is that I took risks. For once, I was adventurous and it really paid off. I had fun and got to see God do amazing things. Spiritually I was growing more than I have at any other stage of my life. 

I think that's why I feel so unsettled right now. It's not an office job that will give me peace. It's a spiritual adventure. It's being irresponsible in order to chase the Wild Goose. 

I want that back. Sign me up for something exciting.